GASTRONORMOUS

When I got married a couple years ago, I put on the registry this adorable turquoise enameled steel colander. It was bequeathed upon me by my friend Micha, and I was so grateful, because, look how cute! I adored this colander as much as one can adore a draining mechanism. The honeymoon wore off, though, as soon as I made a long thin pasta and watched helplessly as too much of it slipped through the large holes of the colander and down the drain. Later, rust spots started forming around the perimeter of the holes, and eventually the red blight infected the entire floor of the apparatus.

Armed with a gift certificate received at Christmas (yes, as in over half a year ago!), we recently visited Sur la Table with an aim to spend all of it. The first order of business was to find a colander. SLT had a collapsible silicone jobby that seemed ideal for our small kitchen, and I liked the legginess of it, but upon examination, we deemed the bowl, when extended, was not large enough to accommodate a half-pound of penne or even a full head of lettuce.

Then the OXO Good Grips Stainless Steel Convertible Colander caught our eye. It is not as pretty as the enameled one, and takes up more space than the collapsible one, but is so much more practical in use. It has handles that act as a stand when folded down, but can be unfolded to stretch across your sink, so no more worries about pasta water backing up the drain and mingling with the pasta sitting in the colander on the floor of your sink (ick). We have only had it for a few weeks now, but are very pleased so far. The holes are nice and small, so no pasta will be lost, and being stainless steel, it won’t rust. It stretches easily across our standard sink, making rinsing veggies a breeze.

The only possible caveat is that it is a little pricey for a colander (though we were immune to the price tag due to the magic of our gift certificate), but overall, I give it a thumbs up! [$37.99 at Amazon; $35 at Sur la Table]

Goat’s milk ice cream? Sounds gross, right? Well, um, it is. But let’s not go blaming the goat, now. The inherent goatiness in this frozen dessert is the least of its problems.

The first problem is the price: This pint (pint!) of ice cream cost a whopping $8.99 at our neighborhood market. We bought it on a whim. It sounded interesting and exotic, and in these recessionary times, splurging on a nine-dollar pint of ice cream seems a lot more reasonable than splurging on a Maserati, or heck, even a Kindle. Plus, the flavor was molasses tipsycake with bits of oatmeal cookie, which sounds very gooey and yummy. How could we not be enticed?

Other problems with this product were many. Flavor: I like molasses as much as, if not more than, the next person, but this tasted of pure molasses and nothing but molasses. It was overly sweet and one note, except for the slightly earthy aforementioned goatiness. Texture: Not creamy in the slightest. This dessert was nothing but ice crystals with some rolled oats dispersed throughout. Oh, that’s another thing. The “oatmeal cookie” mentioned on the packaging was not represented by chunks of cookie or cookie dough, but by flakes of oatmeal that tended to stick to the tongue like so much lint.

All in all, not a pleasant experience. I would not recommend La Loo’s at any price, but especially not at $8.99 a pint. We threw out about $7-worth of it. I have a cow’s milk intolerant friend who has tried a different flavor by this company and said it was alright, so who knows. But I am not sure I will give it another chance.

If you are going to leave coffee stains on your good linen, they might as well be cute stains. These mugs have “stamps” as bases—one has a floral pattern, the other a sort of wave—so that when your coffee overfloweth, you will leave a pretty design on the table rather than a wearisome ring. What is really cool is that if you put some thought into placement, you can actually create a recurring pattern with the cups. [$56 at Greener Grass Design]

I received a gift certificate from Sur la Table for Christmas, and can’t decide how to use it. Here are some of the many options I found on their website:

I don’t have a a proper sauté pan, and really want one (I do all my sautéing in a, gasp!, skillet! How gastronomically gauche!). Most of our cookware is by Bodum, and we love it, but unfortunately, Bodum has discontinued their line of stove-top cookware.  So, it sounds simple: buy a sauté pan. But gumming up the works is the Hubs specifications as to handle form and placement in all our future cookware purchases—one of the few things about which he is a bit persnickity. The handles on Caphalon pans are too curved and too high. All-Clad handles aren’t substantial enough. But this sauté pan by Demeyere might just fill the bill, although it will also exceed the amount of the gift certificate!

I was also thinking I could get a mandoline, which would require valiantly brushing past fears that I might not actually use it. Most of the less expensive plastic models available at SLT received bad reviews on Amazon, so I’ll avoid those. Then there is the $400 Japanese number. I am sure it works like a charm—like the Germans, the Japanese know their blades—but I would just as soon risk slicing off my fingertips at a lower price point. In between is all-stainless French model, which looks sturdier, and more serious, than the plastic mandolines available. Downside: it might be heavy, so heavy as to discourage actual use, ya know.

Though I dislike one-use tools, I equally dislike unevenly sliced mozzarella in my caprese salad. I mean, don’t you? That is where this Mario Batali mozzarella slicer comes in. I am totally not kidding. Actually, come to think of it, this might be a multiple-use tool after all. I could replace my egg slicer with this, which I also use to slice mushrooms. And hey, I wonder if you could slice tomatoes with this mozarella jobby? Just imagine what a rapturously uniform caprese that would be!

I had an electric juicer once, but I almost never used it because I didn’t have the counter space to leave it out, and only had storage space for it above the refrigerator, a/k/a the small appliance graveyard. But this little hand juicer is compact enough for a respectable place among the Tupperware in an accessible cupboard. But the question is: can it possibly work? It almost looks too cute to actually work.

Or perhaps I could get a cornichon slicer. You know, just so I can say I have one.

Any other suggestions?

Gee, too bad I already bought my country-French-loving sister her Christmas presents, because I think she would love this nifty French butter crock (in blue, no less, which perfectly coordinates with her interiors!). The best thing about this crock, besides looking good, is that it keeps butter spreadable and fresh–without refrigeration. You just smoosh all the butter into the compartment in the lid, the fill the base with water, and insert the butter-filled lid into the base. Sounds confusing, but it isn’t, I swear.

[$28 from Sierra Clay Art at Etsy]

I am a coffee drinker, but I might consider starting a tea habit just so I have an excuse to buy this beyond cute teapot. Look at the little hat keeping it cozy (in addition to keeping the lid in place).

My addiction to adorable also compels me to point out this teacup designed by the same artisan (Lola Goldstein). I love the little chair at the bottom of the cup. A chair? Yes, maybe it is a bit obtuse, but it will no doubt delight guests you have over for a cuppa.

[teapot $120; tea cup $30. Both available at LAMA]

Once, years ago, I decided to make cookies and fudge for all my coworkers and friends at Christmas. I thought people would appreciate a homemade gift, plus, I admit, I thought it would be cheaper (I was broke then) and easier than buying individual gifts for everyone.

I learned several important things during this experience: First, it turns out that buying all the butter, spices, sprinkles, etc. for many multiples of dozen of different types of cookies is expensive. It also took many more hours slaving away in the kitchen than I thought it would (and the clean up! Oy!). And perhaps most significantly, I found out I do not have a knack for baking, let alone fudge-making (after a failed attempt at making fudge on my own, I made and emergency appeal to my sister, who kindly helped me make another batch in her kitchen). After plating the cookies and fudge on festive holiday-themed paper plates, I wrapped them in plastic and finished it with ribbon, which I carefully curled. Transporting the cookies to work and friends proved to be a challenge, and indeed many of the cookies broke or were smooshed in the process. All in all, not what I would call a heartwarmingly successful attempt at spreading baked holiday cheer.

Never again have I even briefly considered distributing homemade confections at holiday time. Until now. Well, just maybe.

The inspiration for this rash reconsideration of oven-made gifting came from these paper loaf pans, which I think are pretty great for several reasons. First of all, you can bake right in them, which makes for much easier after-baking production line. I also love the fact that these aren’t slavishly Christmasy—they are not festooned with bright red and green Santas and reindeer, but instead a simple brown background is printed with a classy pattern in gold (a bonus–this design is also appropriate for non-gentiles). Instead of the raffia pictured here, I might use gold ribbon to make the presentation a bit merrier-looking. I will probably never mass-produce Christmas cookies again, but I can imagine myself stirring together a ginger-y, fruity, nutty, and/or pumpkin-y quick bread to give to friends or to present as a hostess gift.

A simple sweet quick bread certainly isn’t as time consuming to make as glittery snowman- and wreath-shaped cookies, but presented in this elegant packaging, it would be just as much a delight to behold, and just as appreciated by its recipient. Hark! Do I hear angels singing?

[$0.50 each at Sur La Table]

I admit when I first saw this kooky ice cube tray, I thought, “It’s a neat-looking gizmo, but who has space for this in their freezer?” After reading about the functions multitasking product serves, though, I thought I might have to make some room for it. Not only does this vertical container make ice cubes, but stores them as well. It can also function as a wine chiller, or a container for ice cream or other things you want to leave out but keep cold. Plus, it is dishwasher safe. Genious! [$16 at the A+R Store]

With Thanksgiving a few weeks away, I can’t help but start thinking about tools that will come in handy in cooking that big ol’ bird. I came across this cool ultra-modern baster at Sur la Table. Boy, basters have come a long way from the mustard-yellow bulb-topped Tupperware one my Mom used when I was growing up. This one could not be more sleek and modern-looking. And who doesn’t want a sleek and modern baster? What is really cool about this, though, is that the special perforated tip allows for better control over distribution of basting liquid. No more violent splushing (yes, splushing) of juices haphazardly over random parts of the turkey. Plus, this baster comes with a second injector attachment, thereby alleviating the embarassment you would endure in having to tell people that Ron Popeil talked you into buying his injector. [$12 at Sur la Table]

As my husband can attest, I am a little more germaphobic than your average person (though not quite at OCD-level), and one thing that grosses me out not a little bit is when you put the colander in the sink and dump the boiling spaghetti in, and all the water backs up so whatever was in your drain is now floating up to mingle with your noodles. I know, ick, right? Well, this colander alleviates that problem with its ultra-legginess. Just look at those gams! Plus, the legs and colander itself is collapsible, so you can store it flat. Genius! [$29.95 at Sur la Table]